


always

by zzleepy



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Cuddles, Hongjoong best leader, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, lapslock, sad hongjoong :(, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:29:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23316187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzleepy/pseuds/zzleepy
Summary: being the leader of the group, the burden sits heavy on his shoulders, keeping him under constant pressure. when hongjoong finally breaks, seonghwa’s embrace puts his pieces back together, mending him to someone even stronger.ora week of hongjoong not going home from the studio, and one time he finally does.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 139





	always

**Author's Note:**

> when seonghwa said in weekly idol that he takes care of hongjoong because hongjoong cant take care of himself because he’s looking after the others, i had to write this. i love their relationship, they are literal parents lmao i didn’t think i’d publish this bc i got busy but here it is! 
> 
> enjoy <3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


seonghwa just knows that tonight will be just like any other night spent alone in the comfort of the empty room he shares with hongjoong. he hasn’t slept at home for a week now, and seonghwa felt frustrated; he knew he had no right to complain. everything hongjoong did and is doing— he does it all for the members and seonghwa is, in no way, a bigger priority than the group could ever be. he atleast knows that much. 

but he misses it a lot more than he thought. he starts to wonder when did the room become so spacious, so _cold._ he doesn’t like it, but even as hongjoong already tells him when he won’t sleep at home, it became a habit of his to wait; he would always be worth waiting for, after all. hongjoong doesn’t say much when they’re together; he’s often on his phone or the laptop, or messing around with the members in the living room, but something about _being_ with him feels so endearing. he knows hongjoong is simply _him,_ when he is with only seonghwa, and he misses it. maybe he hasn’t seen hongjoong being himself for far too long. seeing his messages which told seonghwa that he’ll stay in the studio again almost feels painful— _heartbreaking_. it was beautiful, nonetheless, how hardworking hongjoong is despite how merciless the world is to him. although his little frame can only hold so much, and his little hands are far too small to carry all the weight put on him, he endured; and today as well, he endures. 

which is why seonghwa’s heart almost leaped off his chest when he saw the door of their room opening slowly, as if trying its hardest to be quiet. hongjoong’s red hair could be seen, and the rest of his frame followed thereafter. he seems unaware that seonghwa is still awake, as the lights were out and it was midnight, and so he was trying so hard to close the door without making a sound, but their door which has been used mercilessly by the members is already incapable of doing that. 

“that’s rare.” 

hongjoong’s small body almost jumps when he hears seonghwa’s quiet, sleepy and raspy voice. when he turned his head to face the bunk bed, seonghwa sat with messy hair and swollen, lidded eyes; worn out from trying so hard to stay awake. although he mentally denies it, he was waiting, after all. 

“didn’t think you’d go home today.” hongjoong just lets out an empty laugh, almost a sigh, dropping his bag on the floor and dragging his feet to the bunk bed. seonghwa could almost feel it— hongjoong is no longer him. he could almost see how heavy hongjoong’s shoulder feels. how low it was dropped as he almost staggers his way up his bunk bed was concerning. seonghwa could see it from hongjoong’s figure in the dark— how frustrated, how _pained_ his heart feels. 

this wasn’t new to either of them; life has not been very kind to hongjoong. being a talented producer, leader and an idol doesn’t guarantee success. he gets times like this— times when he feels like letting go and giving up, times when he definitely is more than enough, but the world would tell him otherwise. 

nights like this— seonghwa knows them well. hongjoong, being the leader he is, would always hold his pain to himself. he sheds tears only to the comfort of his pillows where nobody could hear, with his little back against the big world. seonghwa doesn’t ask him; he has been with him long enough to learn to give hongjoong his well-deserved space and to let everything he has bottled out spill on to places only he decides and prefers. it was a time for hongjoong to be _sad_ , to acknowledge the feelings he masks under a convenient smile. he was already built to be this kind of person, to be completely self-reliant and to not ask of others what he believes he can already do by himself. 

but hongjoong is only human after all. more than he is a leader, a producer and a father to seven people with big dreams, he is a _human_ , who still has bits and pieces of a child inside him. he’d love to complain, to throw a tantrum and shove into other people’s throats the words he’s been dying to say. he wasn’t born like this anyway, he _isn’t_ like this. he started to bury everything within himself, to carry more than he knows he could carry, to _always_ be the pillar that holds all the others together. but again, his small body could only do so much. he was just reshaped to be the hongjoong he is now, and sometimes, it’s too heavy. his identity became a mold unfit for his body; it was too much, and at the same time not enough. 

and when hongjoong is no longer capable of holding everything to himself, he would, after a while, come back down the bunk bed and squeeze himself under seonghwa’s warm blanket. he doesn’t say a word, he just shifts under seonghwa’s arms and fits his small frame in his embrace. seonghwa moves sidewards, gives him space and lets him in. seonghwa doesn’t force him; hongjoong decides when he needs it and when he’d rather not. they fit well together, like seonghwa’s body was made to hold only hongjoong in his arms, to keep his broken pieces together, from falling apart. seonghwa felt much safer than the blankets itself; he, above anything else, would always feel warm and familiar, would always feel like _home._

seonghwa wraps hongjoong in his arms and he doesn’t close his eyes. he doesn’t go back to sleep, he just looks at him in the eyes earnestly, with genuine concern present in his own. hongjoong has been crying again, it was too awfully visible. his eyes were red and swollen, and seonghwa could see it as the moonlight that peeks in their room reflects on hongjoong’s face. he had an indescribable expression; his eyes wore a lonely shade of blue. he looked like shattered glass, like a crumpled autumn leaf. seonghwa could feel his chest clenching painfully— it was a sight too heartbreaking to watch. 

“welcome home.” 

it was a slip of the tongue— seonghwa has been fighting off the urge to say it, but it felt like the right words to say, and it was. hongjoong found himself shedding another tear as he forced a little smile to ease away seonghwa’s visible worries even a little. 

something about it tugged along hongjoong’s heartstrings, like he definitely was missing his home. he misses his family a lot, he has been with too many unfamiliar people in unfamiliar crowds and unfamiliar places. nothing ever feels like home to him anymore, like he has already forgotten the comfort of early morning coffees, sunsets at dawn and midnight stargazing. 

but with seonghwa, it was different. he feels like a song he has heard for years, like a room he grew up in, like a house he has lived in. seonghwa holds him like he already knows what hongjoong has to say without him saying it, like he has already heard it in his prayers, in the sounds of him crying under the sheets. 

he has found comfort in seonghwa that he couldn’t find in anybody else. 

“that was a foul, you can’t say that now.” 

“sorry, thought you might need it.” 

hongjoong gave seonghwa the smile he knows too well. it was a smile seonghwa holds dear, his own little secret. 

“i did, thanks.” 

hongjoong feels seonghwa’s breath on the crown of his head as he buries himself closer to his chest. his pleasant body heat envelopes hongjoong into a soothing embrace; he feels a peace he’s long forgotten. 

“you’ve worked hard, hongjoong-ah. thank you.” 

seonghwa couldn’t see hongjoong’s face, but he could feel a smile form against his chest, like happiness drawing itself on his skin. hongjoong realized that maybe that was all he needed; a pat on the back, a “thank you,” an _acknowledgement,_ then he’d be strong enough to stand back up again like he never fell and continue fighting, running towards his and his seven other brothers’ dream. 

“but seeing you like this breaks my heart— i don’t want you hurting for anyone else; not for us, not for anybody. i don’t want to see you hurting at all.” seonghwa feels hongjoong’s tears paint his shirt, the dampness almost painful against his skin. “be kinder to yourself. we’ll carry the burden with you; we’ll do it together— everything, _together._ “ 

it works like a miracle— seonghwa’s words, maybe seonghwa _himself._ for hongjoong, it felt like it had lifted a curse, healed a wound, calmed a storm. seonghwa’s presence made him feel a lot lighter, like he’s learned to breathe again, like he could do _anything._ there’s a happiness in hongjoong’s heart that he couldn’t express, nothing would ever be enough to show how he feels. 

but it reaches seonghwa; in the way hongjoong pulls impossibly closer, embracing seonghwa like he was all he ever needed— and maybe he was. 

“so dont think you’re alone, you have us.” seonghwa presses a gentle kiss on hongjoong’s forehead, filled to the brim with all the things he still wants to say, but decides not to. he trusts that hongjoong already knows, the unsaid _i love you_ written all over it. he feels hongjoong’s smile bloom against his chest again; and there was nothing more he could ever ask for. “you have me.” 

_“always.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hongjoong best leader wbk :”)
> 
> thanks for reading! ❤️  
> ily hmu: [@svnnysvnwoo_](https://mobile.twitter.com/svnnysvnwoo_)


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